that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize