I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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