My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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