do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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