I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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