just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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