somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
