Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize