Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
