I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
