I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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