I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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