I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
