I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
