Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
