what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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