My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
