AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize