One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
