Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
we made out on top of his cat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
