whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
