I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
