conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
