so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
