it hurts more in the daytime
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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