..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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