ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
