I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
