It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There are leaves in my underwear?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
