Where is the hickey?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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