No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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