It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
