Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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