You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
