The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
