I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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