And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
