I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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