There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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