I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i now understand why vodka
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
