I think im going to throw up on grandma
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
BRING THE BAGELS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
