I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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