What did we do last night that was yellow?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
