I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
