I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
