i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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