Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my phone needs a breathalizer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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