The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
