some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
