i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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