My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
