I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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