Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
