My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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