I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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