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I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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