I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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