if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
