this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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