Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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