Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
