hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
