New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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