Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
