She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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