i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
