Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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