can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
