I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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