I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize