so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
