Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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