Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
