Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
