so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
