Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize