Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
