dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
