Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize