Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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