Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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