Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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