Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
