well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize