Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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