You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
