I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
