but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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