Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
