I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
