My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
