He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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