I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
