ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
